Episode 12: See You in the Morning

July 25, 2016

Usually, when I am at a loss as to what I should do next, I try to figure out what it is I am most afraid to do. Oftentimes, what I am most afraid to do and what I want to do the most are the exact same thing and in order to get moving towards that thing, I need others to push me towards it. 

I told Bret that I needed to come out, but I couldn't do it alone, so I needed him to make me do it. And so in a dorm room surrounded by hundreds of freshman men, Bret invited over the dearest people to me and threw together one of the most beautiful nights of my life. 

While recording and reliving this episode, I am still in shock that this actually took place. May this scene bless you as it continues to bless me. 

Peace and Freedom my friends.
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Episode 11: The Peace of Knowing

July 18, 2016

With just a month left in college, a new hope came about in my life. It was something that I thought I never wanted, but I couldn't see that I needed it until the facades of perfection were lifted. 

"I need to come out. I need to be free. But I can't. I'm not ready. I need you to make me do it."

The risk of rejection is worth the peace of knowing reality. 

Peace and freedom
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Episode 10: Release

July 11, 2016

Although it seemed counter-intuitive to continue to see Kyle, there was just one thing I needed him to know. I needed him to know exactly how I felt because I couldn't bear the thought that he didn't know how treasured he is. 

And his response was insane, backwards, unexpected, and most of all - undeserved. His response was a culmination of our entire friendship, and I would argue it represents the gracious relationship that Jesus has with the Church. 

Here's to an upside down way of loving people, a backwards way of sitting in the tension, and staying with someone until they finally realize that maybe things will be okay.

Peace and freedom y'all :)
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Episode 09: What We Want

July 4, 2016

Have you ever taken a moment to stop and recognize all the ways you are inhibiting other people from loving you? How many things you are hiding, how many things you assume about the way they'll respond to your truth, how many things you wish to change about yourself before you share your story with the world. 

Love doesn't wait for you to come around.
Love doesn't hold out until you've found your groove.
Love isn't a goal you can achieve.

Love is yours, now. There are real people in the world who will love you with reckless abandon. These are the people who know who God is and what God is. God is made of love, and God made us in love.

This episode is about how I finally started to recognize a pattern in the way that people filled with true love were responding to my heart. This episode was written in hopes that you would find people who would do the same.

Peace and freedom my friends <3
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Episode 08: Be Free

June 27, 2016

You know that moment when you something has happened and you know you will never be the same because of it? That person says something or treats you a certain way and your entire view of the world and life is flipped upside down and there is no way you can continue living the way you've always lived?

That's what happens in Episode 08, and let's just say, the story in Episode 08 is meant to be just that for those who take a listen.

Also, there is a HUGE announcement at the end of this episode that I am so excited to share with you all about! It's going to bring people f r e e d o m and I am PUMPED about it! Can't wait to share.

Peace and freedom my friends!
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Episode 07: “You Have Power”

June 20, 2016

As much as seeing Kyle made me shiver with shame, we decided that we would try something that most people would advise against; meet up and talk for hours every week. Zed was skeptical of our plan, so he decided to investigate whether or not this strategy could really be beneficial. 

At the end of this episode, I am sharing another huge part of my soul; music. The song I am sharing is a cover of a Josh Garrels song entitled "The Children's Song". During this time in my life, I would listen to this song on repeat, as the lyrics consoled me that life would be difficult, but we can still have hope in the fact that Jesus has overcome the world.

I am also so excited to share with you all an idea that I've been dreaming up for a few months now: but I won't be announcing the plan until next week- because the dream came from a realization that I go through in next week's episode. It is going to be so fun and amazing and it will really help a lot of people find freedom. 

Peace and freedom to you all!
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Episode 06: “This Needs to Change”

June 13, 2016

With the taste of freedom after coming out to my guides, I continued to begrudgingly take steps towards healing. It was then that the last person I expected decided that they needed to be a part of that journey.

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Episode 05: A Crack in the Soul

June 6, 2016

I never knew I could want what Ally had until she unashamedly shared the deepest and darkest parts of her story. I never knew that I could possibly do that too, and it may just end up being right.

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Episode 04: The Wedding

May 30, 2016

A celebration of love becomes my living nightmare.

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Episode 03: Bitter Loss

May 30, 2016

"I wanted to be capable of taking care of myself, loving others, and doing my job. I knew it was time to start taking the painstaking steps towards healing, and I knew exactly what the first step was: 

Kyle.

I had to tell him all the things I said to him everyday throughout the year when he was too far away to hear. I had to confess my unreciprocated feelings for him, while facing my dread of coming out to him at the same time."

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